Birthday Greetings

Today, or maybe it was yesterday, is/was my father’s birthday.  I’m not good at remembering birthdays.  My mother was though.  She could rattle off the birth date of anyone in her family.  I don’t know if she knew the birthdays for all of her nieces and nephews, but she knew the day everyone of her siblings was born.  Of course she knew when her eight children were born, and in time, the birthdays of spouses, and a herd of grandchildren’s birthdays were added to the list.

Maybe Mom really wasn’t that good at keeping track of birthdays, but I like to think so nevertheless.

Anyway, I’m not so good with birthdays.  Besides my immediate family, whose birthdays I can recall with reasonable accuracy, the only birthdays of my siblings that I’m sure of are Bonnie’s and Wendy’s.  Wendy’s birthday is easy to remember, it’s New Year’s Eve.  Everybody celebrates her birthday.  I’m not sure why I remember Bonnie’s.  Maybe it’s because, of all my sisters, Bonnie has had the most birthdays.

I tried to maintain a family birthday list once.  I did fairly well with just my siblings, but when their spouses and off-spring made the list, it got complicated.  And the thing about a list: you have to look at it regularly.  If, like me, you don’t refer to your list often enough, you send out a lot of belated greetings.

When I reached a certain age, my father expected birthday greetings from me.  Humorous cards were not appreciated, and the greetings had to be timely.  Mailed cards had to arrive before his birthday.  If a card arrived even one day late, that was not acceptable.  Belated greetings were absolutely not acceptable.  One year when I didn’t get his card in the mail early enough, I sent him two cards.  One was ‘belated birthday greetings.’  The other was a sappy, sentimental regular birthday card, but I wrote on the envelope. “Do Not Open Until Next Year.”

Dad didn’t see the humor in that.  In fact, it angered him.  Not only couldn’t I be bothered to remember his birthday, but I made fun of him besides.  If Dad didn’t get a joke, he assumed he was being made fun.  

I remember Dad’s reaction to late and/or forgotten birthday cards.  But I don’t ever recall him dropping hints or reminding folks that his birthday was approaching, like some folks do.  I wonder if, maybe, he did that on purpose, just to see how many folks remembered his birthday.  That sounds like something dear ol’ Dad might have done.

Beneath his bluster and the bullying, cringed a low self-esteem, insecure little boy.  He felt inferior, so he acted superior.  And he was constantly anxious about anyone finding out that he was not superior at all, just regular.   For example, as a bus driver on vacation in Florida, he told people he was in ‘transportation’.  He didn’t trust anyone, ‘get them before they get you’, was his motto.  I don’t know why, but he always seemed to be finding fault.  Always on the verge of declaring, “Didn’t I tell you that would happen? Listen to me next time!”  

Well, anyway, Happy Birthday Dad.  If, however, your birthday was yesterday, sorry I missed it again.   Belated Greetings!

[note: subsequent research has determined William DeLyle Clark’s date of birth is in fact May 3 ]